bois_inside

Mmm, had some at work today. I love those little avocado veggie rolls...nummy.

WOOOO HOOOO, Kelly and I found an apartment! Hooray. It's so adorable, small...but adorable. It's also never...that's right...nevvver been lived in. Need to paint it...can't fucking wait to move in.

I realized today that for the first time for a long time...like 2 years, that I am in a relationship that I'm really devoted to. One that I am in with all of my heart. I find myself scared sometimes, but really happy at other times, like when just walking home from work with my dog, Trin at my side just thinking about that future. We'll both come home at night, each exhausted from the day, and I'll curl up in her arms and be so filled with how much I love her...I don't want that to ever fade.

I am addicted to this guacamole dip...holy jesus it's goooood.

So...my job sucks...that's not true, I love it, but maybe that's why it sucks. Because the pay is crap and the hours are crap, but I just can't leave because it's just such an awesome place to work. It's so laid back, and in the basic field of what I wanna do. Well, one of the things I want to do anyway. It's definitely not a job with OnOurBacks Magazine or anything. I bike to work now, and hells yeah it's awesome exercise but it was so ungodly hot today. Usually I can bike the 2 miles easy, but today...all those red lights...stopping and starting again, all that pedaling seemed more strenuous then ever. Turns out there was a heat warning for today. "96 degrees...feels like: 108" and that's for right now, at almost 5pm. I'm ready for fall.

On the YAY side of things...I've been looking at apartments and houses for rent for the past 2 days. Looking for that perfect place for Kelly and I. I don't even know what I want anymore...I did really want to live in an adorable duplex type place, but now I'm thinking maybe more of a building. All in all, I'd looove one of those amazing loft apartments with exposed brick and piping. So cute. I can't wait to get out of here...this apartment is such a craphole...our ceiling leaks...they fixed it, it will probably still leak. Not to mention more privacy...doing dishes naked, singing whenever I want, requesting that Kelly walk around topless at all times...sex on the kitchen counter, sex on the living room couch...sex anywhere...*sighs* yes...that would be a dream come true. I found that I was gnawing on my lip when I completed that thought...

Other than that...just constantly thinking about the future. Is she right for me? Is she it? The thing is, my mind keeps telling me that it's impossible because thus far I haven't had a relationship that hasn't ended...obviously...so how could this one not end? And while I know that we probably won't last forever, that we'll probably end up splitting up and going our separate ways, I just can't help but to close my eyes and let her happen. Giving into her a little more with each passing day. Love is so completely terrifying in the most amazing and pleasurable way. I look at every part of her and think to myself that I've never seen anything more beautiful. I want this. I want it to be good, and pure, and loving, and lasting.

The storm outside matches my mood.

My head aches...I can't stop biting my lip...sometimes it seems like things never go my fucking way.
I just want to be happy. I just want a simple, happy life.

My God...where have I been? Not that it matters much because I have very few friends for this journal.

But juuust in case anyone happens to read this...

I've been in happily somewhat domestic lesbian bliss. Ok, so the fashion show was like 2 months ago...it turned out to be fucking shweet. My girlfriend, Kelly...came from Utah to see it...and yeah...stayed!!! So, she is here, in Virginia, with me :) That's right, she just straight up didn't get on her plane. She got the exact some job she had in utah, here...within 2 weeks. And so the story continues...

I'm working at this little Dog Grooming place as a grooming assistant, and so far...it's not too bad. Wish I made more...story of my life.

We reeeally want to get into our own place. Well, I know I do and I'm pretty sure she does too but neither of us have a car so transportation is a bitch. Very much wishing I lived in D.C. or Philly, or New York right about now.

As for my writing...eh...haven't done anything amazing lately. But I want to go a different direction with it. I typically write about love, lust, erotica, pain...I want to build a story. Tried before...and it just fizzled. I didn't get very far with it.

So that's what I've been up to. Working, my hunny...and just living life.

I wish for things everyday...I am never not wanting. Some things never change...but everything else has.

So...my sister rented a beach house for the first week of May and my my it was such good times. We even made a fabulously terrible horror movie...

We all woke up yesterday morning (the last day of our being here) to what looked like a hurricane outside. I guess the all the booze and our need to entertain ourselves lead to the attempt to make a movie.

Suuuuch drunken hilariousness.

shot of the beach from the house before the terrible weather.
commence to drinking!!!
In between "scenes..."
And the fabulous movie promo shot for "Cannibal Bitches Gone Wild." Coming soon to a theater near you.

Well...in my opinion.

Posting this here, cuz I thought it just a tad too erotic for Birls...but I wanted to share...let me know what you think!
Wish I could submit it to OnOurBacks, but it isn't long enough. I sooo wish I could write for them though.


"Communion"
By: Abby Waller 2005

Dipping the tips of your fingers in liquid chocolate, your eyes stare into mine.
As I bring your fingers to my mouth and part my lips for their entry, you slowly shut them.
Milk chocolate and the taste of your flesh hit my tongue.
I roll your fingers in my mouth and taunt you with a hard swallow.
And like some seductive vamp you moan as if I'm sucking your rigid cock.
I lay you down and bring my cunt to your face, you try to receive me but I only pull away.
This time, your lips unmoving, I lower my heat onto your mouth.
I drag myself across your lips, and down to your chin.
Your tongue slides across your lips to taste away what I left behind.
I hover my sodden folds just over your nose...mere inches, bidding you to breathe me in.
And when you do, you grab my ass and pull me into your mouth.
You fuck away at my insides with a greedy, unrelenting tongue.
Your tremulous moans causing short sudden after shocks in my clit.
You pull me off of you and throw me onto my back;
As your teeth are sinking into the soft flesh of my neck as you fill me, swollen and ready, with your fingers.
And as you violate my every crease with hard, pounding thrusts…
I retaliate by digging my nails into your taut shoulders.
I move a single finger between your thighs, the discovery of saturation takes me over.
I slip my middle finger into you and you close your eyes, your jaw tightening...accepting me.
You moving into me, and I into you...your body meets mine.
Our mouths conjure a whole new utopia as we achingly kiss one another.
I look up you with small, searching, meek eyes;
And you stare back, with your own, pacifying and tender.
Our bodies were carved to fit into each other in this moment…
And I take you as you take all of me.

Ok...aaaand update.

I just got back from Utah on Saturday, went to see my lady. I had such an amazing time, and sooo much fun while I was there.

Much of my time spent there was just a whole lot of sex. Actually, we'd been in our hotel room for all of about 10 minutes and she's really working me...deep...yeah baby *grins* and what happens? I get my rag. OF course. A week early no less. Buuut, my stud was on hers in Vegas soooo I got to work her over quite well in Utah. Just thinking about it now makes me feel all dizzy. I've never actually made love to a girl, never even loved a girl really. I thought I loved this girl Amber, but I think that was just puppy love. With Kelly...I look at her, and just know I'm going to fall flat on my face for her. She makes me weak...and makes me strong at the same time. She makes me a submissive little bottom, and the hottest top I'll ever be, and I'm comfortable either way. I fucking love her body...her skin alone makes me melt, it's a dark olive...I call her my indian princess sometimes because she has indian eyes, dark hair...dark skin...so beautiful, I look at her sometimes and she takes my breath away. She's so fucking sexy, we are sexy together. We're like one of those couples that gets everyone hot or makes them wanna barf from how adorable we are together or how all over each other we are depending on where we are and what mood we're in.

Ah, and not to mention she makes me wanna get my ass in gear. Not just with maintaining being in good shape or like looking good. I want to make her proud, show her I'm intelligent and talented and that I'll be a damn good catch. She worked her ass off to snag me, and waited for so long. *sighs* I'm like the luckiest girl ever...I should stop gushing now, huh? Whatever...chicks love romance...and anyone who reads my journal is a big ol dyke...as far as I know ;)

Soooo what did we do while I was out there? Well, we walked evvverywhere. Got to see a bit of downtown Salt Lake City, and God it really is beautiful there. We went to a cute little brew pub place where I had a nutty tasting beer called "chasing tail." very yummy. After that we went to see "Million Dollar Baby." Really, SOOOO good. I loved it. Made me cry. I already want to see it again. Then we went to some club that was jam packed so we got some drinks and cuddled on a big comfy couch in a dark corner where I convinced her that we should just make out...she happily obliged :) The next day she took me to breakfast and then the zoo because I looove animals. I gots to see these adorable little animals that looked like a cross between a dog, kangaroo, and rabbit to me called, mara. That same night we went out to a club with some of Kelly's friends. I got very very nicely drunkafied that night, danced my ass off with Kelly and just had an all around awesome fucking time. Kelly and I were the lesbian hottness and all the girlies wanted to make out with us...and yeah...some of them were permitted to do so ;) Then sex on the floor of some random boy's bathroom that Kelly's friend Amy was pseudo-dating. Apparently Kelly and I fancy bathrooms. We are sure to make it the standing up kind of sex in "public" bathrooms. lol The last night I was there we had a very nice dinner complete with a few glasses of wine to make me feel all giddy and cheery. Then more intense love making followed by her passing out. I packed that night and let her sleep so she wouldn't have to see me pack in the morning...

Now I'm home and missing her. Missing every single part of her. From the strands of dark brown and blonde that hang in her face, to her always giving and succulent lips that curl into the most gorgeous smile I'll ever have the privilege of putting on any girl's face, her laugh when I say something she thinks is beyond adorable, her arms holding her small but strong frame above mine, the way she gets heated when she's really passionate about what she's saying, her hott rocker boi style, to how she is so patient, tender, and loving with me.

Enough Mush?

Yeah...well...I can't help it. It's the first time I've ever felt this way.

( Yes that is my tongue in the Last one )

Vegas was awwwwesome! I don't know why I would have ever thought it wouldn't be. Just seeing her smiling face was enough to make my heart melt. Leaving was one of the hardest things I've ever felt, I cried on the plane as I had to watch the lights of Vegas slowly get farther and farther away. I wish I would have said more, touched her more...kissed her and told her how I felt more, simply because I have to wait until I see her again...and it will feel like forever until I'll feel at home in her arms.

I remember rounding the corner to baggage claim, and having her grab me and pull me to her...and we just held eachother for a long time and then she kissed me. We both teared up pretty good, and just smiled at eachother.

Naturally there was plently of lesbian sex, but I won't go into detail ;) Let's just say that practically every inch of that hotel room got cristened by two very lusty girls...

She ended up taking me to 3 different shows while we were there, 2 of which were on the strip. One at club Krave, called "Fashionistas," and one at the New York New York hotel called, "Zumanity." Both were so fucking awesome. So artsy and erotic. Infact, while we were watching the Zumanity show, some random person walked behind us and grazed their hand along our shoulders while we were sharing a pretty hot kiss. The third show was one of those dinner theatre things. It was really cute, and funny...and the food was pretty good too. I actually didn't do a lot of gambling, mainly because it's just kind of intimidating to walk up to a table with a bunch of people who probably know a hell of a lot more what they're doing then I would. We did drink plenty, neither of us got shit-faced or anything, but we certainly had a really good time together. Ah, and we were practically celebrities out there. People actually took pictures of us. Lesbians are apparently few in Vegas. We got hollered at and checked out so much it was ridiculous.

Over all though, with the lights and excitement of Vegas, I really just enjoyed being able to touch her, kiss her, watch her sleep. Being able to finally be in her arms...oh, and I go and see her again on the 6th of April...this time in Utah, where she lives! It doesn't seem that far away, but every second feels like forever not having her...

And here's some Pictures of the trip...most of them just being she and I...guess we kinda forgot to take some of Vegas ;)

( Vegas Baby Vegas )

HELLS YES for my 21st Birthday! I gots way trashed last night...and my tab was...oh yeah...ZERO dollars. You gotta love people who buy you drinks just because it's your 21st. I actually had to turn down drinks because I was too damned smashed to drink anymore.

Here's me drinking a...what else? Muff-Diver...mmmm. Doesn't it look hella nasty? Yeah...I kicked everyone's ass suckin it up though ;)

And just so the boys didn't feel left out they had one too...nevermind the weird-ass face I'm making...

They're polaroids some random person snapped at the bar...so they're kinda shitty quality.

Ah yes....AND VEGAS in T Minus 52 hours!!! Basically 2 days...I am soooooo nervous. Very excited, but nervous too. We just might rape eachother in the airport. Either that or I will be stupidly shy and nervous.

Wish me luck!!!

Tonight...was great...tonight was pimp...tonight, I won one for lesbians everywhere.

I started drinking at 5 p.m. today, and got in from a bar at 2:45 a.m. Maybe that says a lot right there.


( I was lesbian awesomeness tonight... )